Monday, after Victoria Day.

Beauty of the day: winds and sun.
I miss and love the idea of buttoning up a shirt while thinking of a beautiful girl. Shit, I don't know if that's gonna happen.
It gets pretty lonely here. Waking up to just wait for the day to be over really is not the way to go. Hopefully this week I will get calls from workplaces. God, I really need stuff to do...
Capoeira, my family and my few friends are the only things I have. Well, and whatever worldly possessions I got.
Lately I've been forcing myself to stop thinking of Mel. It's complicated... Especially now that her family is going through a harsh time. And she won't ever consider keeping me in the loop. I know I'm not family, but Mel, if you ever read this, you have been in my head for too damn long for me to simply be able to disappear and never talk to you again.
Summer is approaching. I don't know what will happen with me. I'm anxious, and not in the fun way.
Mau.

Poptarts and milk

Lately I've felt like crap. I feel lonely, ugly, stupid... I need work. I need stuff to get my mind off things. Last night I crashed for the first time. I mean actually sleep-crashed. I went to my room, and... I woke up this morning. I had been out for long.
I'm pissed about this comic book I wanted to buy...
The Crow, signed by the author, for about 15 dollars plus shipping.
I was waiting for a credit card payment... and my brother didn't let me use his card.
Next thing I know, my payment was processed. But the book had been sold.
Shit.

Beauty of the day: rain and speed.

I posted a rather strange rant on my health blog. It has to do a lot with my current mental health, which I think is going down the drain. I'm pissed off at everything. I miss Mel. I wish I could hug her. I wish she would just stop telling me about all these other guys.
I can't even talk about my problems to anyone. Not my mom, not my brother... not my good friends, whom I have almost none. I'm fucked.

ah, Mau, the things you do.

Beauty of the day: Bitchy females, nice to look at, worst conversation ever.
The weather is getting warmer and hermits are coming out of their caves. I intend on either staying in mine or being out far from here as much as I can.
Karim is back, I still haven't seen him.
Ah, my friend.
I don't know what's happened with Mel. What I do know is that she won't care about me as I've cared about her, so I got to cut the crap and look out for myself.

Uneventful weekend.

I hate having nothing to do. I hate it with a serious passion. Not only do I not do anything, but I overeat and overthink. And it pisses me off.
I ate half a pound of chocolate today.
On the bright side of things, I saved a cat from certain death due to useless neighbours. Poor kitty had its head stuck under a fence, which I gladly took apart (it wasn't mine...) in order to save it.
Poor cat was scared shitless. Its paws were shaking. I hope she (i'm pretty sure it was a she) is okay and warm now.