Oh Mau Mau, miserable times.

'Tis been months since I last had a conversation with my brother. It's very sad that we live under the same roof, and to him it's like I didn't exist. I didn't want shit to turn out like this. I'm upset. And tired. I am short of breath. I hadn't been like this in years. I'm back to an asthmatic child full of insecurities and loneliness from this. Fuck, I want to get on a train and never look back.
I can't wait until September. I will go back to school and when I am done next April I will just pack my shit and leave. I can't live like this. He has fucked up my life many times, I don't want my life to be a constant failure because of him.
Fuck... I'm so angry...

Yeah yeah

I love it when I am able to predict the outcome of something. It makes things much easier for me.

I want a tamagotchi! or a DS with pokemon so I can have a pokewalker.

This upcoming week, there will be a poker-walk activity thing. You have to walk a certain distance every week. Every certain distance you get a card. You can walk more to change cards. And yadda yadda yadda. This made me want a pedometer. And then I thought of Mel and her pokewalker, that she kept in her hat. And it made me want a pokewalker, lol. 

And then I found out that Tamagotchi has a TamaWalkie! I WANT ONE OF THOSE TOO.

In the midst of me wanting a pet, I think I can settle for a tamagotchi for now. =D

Yeah... this sucks.

I guess I'm better off without my teacher. I ran into him today, and man, was I happy to see him. But then, when I went to say hi, he just spoke to me like some random. Kinda sucks, when you realize how shitty an impression you've left behind, or how little you mean to a person. Oh well, it's fine. I'm good.

Being sick makes me feel lonely.

I think I've got back to where I was: to being a self sustainable being without as many needs as before. However, being sick, especially as sick as I am right now, makes me understand that this mask isn't gonna last long. Life is pretty sad without somebody else wanting you to get better.
Maybe I'm just being a wuss. I couldn't work today. I was too sick for it. If I don't feel better by 5 am, that will be 200 off my paycheque next week.

Another attempt for closure

Yesterday I saw my dear and goodly beloved what's-her-face, the one I've basically made my life miserable for more than the past year. You know, distance is a wonderful thing. After what I saw yesterday, I think things were too different. Her beauty, and everything, seemed different. I still saw what I liked, but not how I liked it. I think I have changed. I think she has changed. And I think it's good.
I think, I think, I think. Everything has to be about me. After all, I'm not unhappy on my own, just lonely. I'm everything I have. I best keep it in good condition and love me.
My body is my temple, and no matter how many curses there are, my temple is perfect. Aim for perfection. Reach up. Find a new limit. Destroy it.

Yesterday, after having lunch with her, I had an appointment. I am not in academic probation anymore. And then I proceeded to drink my life away and dance like there was no tomorrow. God, was it beautiful. So much flesh moving to the same heart beat, and I was part of it.