If I could choose what words you remembered me by...

I wish you remembered me giving you directions and degrees to spot stars I would be looking at.
And I wish you remembered me saying "it's awesome when you wake me up". After all, it really is.

Concerta-somnia

I can't sleep
Mau

Of love and coupled harmonics

Ah, grade 11 physics. Harmonics feeding each other, making them grow louder at the point where they interfere. A double wave interference pattern, they both with the same magnitude and frequency. It increases the magnitude at the middle. Oh, right, right.
I haven't made music in quite a while. I haven't played any kind of music on either guitars nor berimbau. But I am somewhat happier than two weeks ago. I like having stuff to do, and I like the warmth. It makes me not feel like this world is empty.
The class rep things might not fly. The student council seems very closed in terms of not giving anything to the class reps. If things are going to be that way, I won't wanna be part of it. Why should I, if the student government doesn't give a shit?
Anyways. I gotta finish making my lunch (idk if I'll eat it, I feel full) and then study and go to school.
Later.
Mau.

Insignificantly enough.

Mau, you just don't learn, do you?

Today I texted good dear old what's-her-face after about a week. I still need time away. I need time away from everything. From Hamilton. But I got school there, and I can't just disappear when I need the marks.
Little by little I've been feeling super lonely lately. But whatever. I'm meant for more. I know it.
All I got to do is put everything aside like I did once (though with artificial help). But I know I can do it.
It's not necessarily good,  but being plastic sometimes is needed for a man to succeed in life.
Emotionless, or just put on a mask again: my way of being an asshole. And it's worked before. It can work again.
Mau.

Ugh

I fucked everything up for the weekend. I sent it all to hell.
I guess I can catch back up.
I am lonely.
Mau.

http://youtu.be/yC1M0KrgD8g

Nice guys do finish last.

Before I begin this infamous rant, I would like to say fuck you to the following:
Kyle, John, Jordan, Mike, Lisa, Liz's ex 1, Liz's ex 2, Liz's ex 3, my brother, my father, my bus drivers and hair cutters, whoever made my clothes, whoever founded mohawk college, the student government, summer school, hamilton bars, the plough and harrow, the flying dragon, baltimore house, mr. fuck you wey mexico, and every single person involved with this whole story.

I'm fucking sick of hearing the excuse that apparently I'm not an asshole enough. Eat dirt.

I'm never neither good enough nor bad ass enough.

Fuck you. Fuck your shit. Fuck your car, your books, your family, your shoes.

The pictures I took to show you how I saw things? Yeah? Forget about them. They are gone. Deleted.
I deserve better.

I'm too fucking good looking to be dealing with this shit, like some sort of second class citizen begging for a bit of affection.

I'm not a nice person. You were my weak spot, and that's what you saw. But this bullshit is over. I gotta find my space. Away from you.

I'm angry.

I'm angry about this whole work situation. And I'm lonely too. Right now, the only thing that would make me feel a lot better, that would be if a good dearl old what's-her-face called my phone just to ask how I am.
I'm not a weak person. Sometimes I just feel that there isn't much to do things for other than myself, and it really sucks. The last time I did things with a person in mind, man, I ran. I ran until my body felt like pumping stomach acid.
I miss you, what's her face. Your face is beautiful. Your hands are small, your body is perfect. Your smile warms me up.
Whatever, back to reality. Shitjob at 7, gotta leave at 5am. 4 hours and 50 minutes left.
Mau.

Downgrade.

I have been downgraded to machine shop bitch for all summer.
I'm angry and lonely.