I'm not sick anymore.

I need time away from people. This (ref.) has definitely wore me down. I need time.
It really made me sad that when I was sick, in my worst days, nobody really cared other than my direct family. I'm not clingy nor weak. Or well, I do get a bit weak during major holidays (Christmas and new years) and that dumb ass valentines thing.
I feel kinda gross. Stupid self-consciousness, I wish you would get in a hand-basket and got express-delivered to hell.
Such misery. Christmas loneliness. Makes me jealous that other people have "stellar" days, and my days are just mindless progressions of minutes after minutes.
I can't say I'm unhappy having nothing to do. It's just... boring. It could be a lot better if all the holiday stuff didn't make me feel lonely, however that isn't the thing. The problem is that... I need stuff to do. Commitments. I need school to start again.
Mau.
Beauty of the day: Angola games.

"Oh, I said you was a charming motherfucker. Sir."

"It wasn't altogether a bad idea. Just typical of me. To think in terms of Heaven on earth, freshly painted in pastel colours, floored in fine stone, and centrally heated."
-Lestat

Holidays kill me.

Well, Christmas is just around the corner, and the April event is just four months away. Christmas always hits me. I need to get distracted. I miss school already.
I think today is the winter solstice. Yeah, it is. Damn, time flies in Canada. Season after season, all clearly defined by their respective colours and temperatures. Green for spring, blue for summer, red/orange for fall, white for winter. White, green, blue, orange, white, green, blue, orange, white, green, blue, orange, white, green, blue, orange, white, green, blue, orange, white, green, blue, orange, white, green, blue, orange, and white again.
2004. February 13th. I woke up, looked at the wall and touched it, and thanked God for it not being a dream.
But was it worth it? I mean, my mom is not a lawyer anymore. My dad is not an Engineer anymore. All of our sacrifices, unnoticed.
Those who know me know that I'm not a sad person. This just angers me.
I feel like everything we have worked for is in vain. Fuck you, winter. Fuck you for making me over-think.

I hate sounding emotional about things

However, I need to be busy. I hate overthinking stuff, especially things that are just out of my hands. I miss school stress already- and it's just been four days.
Yesterday I got a text that really left me worried. I slept next to my phone.
God damn it, Mau, what ever happened to the edge that we were proud of?
I guess I got to regain it.
I need things to do. I wanna feel I'm alive.
All I ask for is just... 30 seconds of stupid courage. The kind that gets you nowhere. The kind that makes things happen whether they are good or bad.
Even if it's followed by five minutes of running for my life.
I will make things happen this break. Hell, I almost made one two nights ago. I gotta keep going with my life as I've always kept going.
Indifference, my friend. Look out for yourself. And for your family, of course. After all, when shit truly hits the fan, they are the only ones you've got.
Mau.

Lets not do that again, Mau.

Big fiasco. I hate it when people I bring and me are the strangers at parties like this stuff.
If anyone invites me to play cranium again, I will tell them to fuck off.
Mau

Ah, joy.

I'm done exams. It seems like my main worry wasn't even statics, but solidworks. Whatever happens... I hope it goes well.
Beauty of the day: Sun and relief.

No time to blog

Exams are killing me. I got almost no time for anything. I need sleep.
Mau.

I want to move to china again.

Life is tasteless.
Mau.

Saturday marked the end of a blue era.

And I'm very happy about it. A person should never live in the past.

Surprise! be unimpressed. Beauty of the day: Rain.

Ah, Mau, when will you learn.
You feel like... tomorrow is too late. However, doing too much today makes things drift away. Especially after what's happened. Tomorrow will be a brighter day.
You have to learn to leave at home what belongs to home and show your best face to the world.
Life is tough. But it's great like that.

Krew Y. says
lol
awww ):
well maybe she's thinking about it ;)
or maybe she's shady and has a bf

Mau B says
nah, she doesn't
but what i do know is that, i'm not necessarily in need of anything
a girl in my current situation, yes, would be nice, but i don't wanna like
okay, here's my analogy
imagine you go pee.
and you walk in in a rush
you're like
FUCK FUCK FUCK
and you just
pull your jeans and your undies down in a rush
and sit
and
there
that's
trust
in a reliable toilet seat that is there
and you know is there
and will be there.
now imagine that you go in a rush
sit there but OH SNAP THERES NO SEAT.
you're half ass inside the toilet
balancing with your legs so your ass doesnt hit water
thats my analogy of a relationship.
i dont wanna go in a rush to find no seat when i run to take a dump :U

Krew Y. says
LOL!!
XDDDDD

Mau B says
exactly, so i dont wanna hit water with my ass
i want a reliable toilet seat :U
i also dont wanna date someone from school or from around my area.
i learned the hard way- its like taking a dump in your front porch
after shit happens, it will be right in front of you.