Well, shit on me.

Man, my weight is out of control, I'm not working out, and I'm getting sick of the little shitty reminiscings I get every once in a while. Today at canadian fucking tire I saw some cow mitts that kalinka lost last year. And I got her some to replace them. And I remembered everything. I miss her. I wanted to message her asking when she's gonna be back in my life. Or if she would ever wanna be back in it again. But at the same time... for what? So I can get screwed over again? Fuck that. Man every time I blog I write about trying to get over Kalinka. It's been over a year. Fucking move on, man.
My longboard proyects seem more solid. I got a second board though. I know I won't be able to have a decent built for a home-made board because I have no space. However, in terms of the electronics of it, I can make the lights on the bottom of the boards, for safety and coolness' sake.

I guess I finally hit the enter button.

"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OirMLBEU9Ec"
That's all I sent. I hope this one is doing fine. After all, regardless of the distance, I do care. Significantly less than I did before (I mean, I would've taken a bullet for Kalinka back then), but I do care still. I hope she's doing fine, that she isn't going through a rough patch, and that she doesn't blame the winter cold again on me.
Mau.

Lady of Winter and the cruelty of seasons.

It's getting cold again. I'm intending on making this winter different by taking on as many opportunities for snowbaording as I can. I wanted to longboard, but I got the board a bit too late in the year. Oh well. Today I feel kinda nostalgic and sad. However, the plans that are coming ahead, those make my life brighten.
I have realised that I am still not over Kalinka. The fact that I get relief in other ways doesn't make it easier anymore. I am easily wondering what I will be doing next and how I'm gonna get my feet out of this. It's been about a year of this new type of self-destruction.
And, lol, I'm getting mildly annoyed. I have a lot ahead, and I am risking too much with somebody that just doesn't cut it. In terms of Kalinka, I saw her for a few seconds. I smiled and she smiled back. In those few seconds I could see what I saw before. But something was different. I could also see everything I've lost because of her and how hard it has been to regain so little: how hard it has been to get back to where I was. Where I am.
The distance I've taken has made it bearable to take on longboarding.  And snowboarding- my white dream will happen this winter again. I hope this not-cold-not-warm state doesn't last long. I want snow, or I want warmth.
I want to travel and rebuild things again.

I'm sorta lonely.

In an effort to avoid ranting on Facebook, I deactivated it temporarily.