It's getting cold again. I'm intending on making this winter different by taking on as many opportunities for snowbaording as I can. I wanted to longboard, but I got the board a bit too late in the year. Oh well. Today I feel kinda nostalgic and sad. However, the plans that are coming ahead, those make my life brighten.
I have realised that I am still not over Kalinka. The fact that I get relief in other ways doesn't make it easier anymore. I am easily wondering what I will be doing next and how I'm gonna get my feet out of this. It's been about a year of this new type of self-destruction.
And, lol, I'm getting mildly annoyed. I have a lot ahead, and I am risking too much with somebody that just doesn't cut it. In terms of Kalinka, I saw her for a few seconds. I smiled and she smiled back. In those few seconds I could see what I saw before. But something was different. I could also see everything I've lost because of her and how hard it has been to regain so little: how hard it has been to get back to where I was. Where I am.
The distance I've taken has made it bearable to take on longboarding. And snowboarding- my white dream will happen this winter again. I hope this not-cold-not-warm state doesn't last long. I want snow, or I want warmth.
I want to travel and rebuild things again.
I have realised that I am still not over Kalinka. The fact that I get relief in other ways doesn't make it easier anymore. I am easily wondering what I will be doing next and how I'm gonna get my feet out of this. It's been about a year of this new type of self-destruction.
And, lol, I'm getting mildly annoyed. I have a lot ahead, and I am risking too much with somebody that just doesn't cut it. In terms of Kalinka, I saw her for a few seconds. I smiled and she smiled back. In those few seconds I could see what I saw before. But something was different. I could also see everything I've lost because of her and how hard it has been to regain so little: how hard it has been to get back to where I was. Where I am.
The distance I've taken has made it bearable to take on longboarding. And snowboarding- my white dream will happen this winter again. I hope this not-cold-not-warm state doesn't last long. I want snow, or I want warmth.
I want to travel and rebuild things again.
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