Infinitely yours (or holy shit, I missed my bus again.)

Dear city of Burlington:
We have been together since February 2004. That popsicle-cold month will be unforgettable. However, every day I seem to be growing more tired of your shit. I am sick of how you chose to lie to my mother about bus times, how you keep screwing around with the lines that I need to get around, how unreliable your sidewalks are, and how idiotic your other people are.
When we first met, you were just like, a warm coffee shop in the middle of the snow. But then, you started with your bitchyness, and I'm just not willing to put up with your shit anymore.
You also lied to my mom. I mean, what kind of a girlfriend would do that? You lying bitch gave my mom the wrong times for one bus, causing her to be late for work. You lied to me about the express bus leaving from Hamilton to Burlington. Saying it left at 10:45... I showed up at 10:40. And no, the shitbus left at 10:30. What would you do if I gave your mother the wrong hours to catch the train to work her corner in Toronto?
On top of that, your sidewalks, you whore, I've almost DIED on them. Your sister, Oakvile, her sidewalks are better. Without psychotic bastards on the way, without hammered teenagers trying to be cool. Oakvile also made me little bikepaths for me to go all over the place. You whore only made two and that's all I get, right? Eat a bag of dicks. I thought I was special to you.
Then you began to cheat on me. And I began to cheat on you. I've slept in different beds in SO MANY CITIES, it would gross you out. That's what you get for being such a bitch to me. Orillia, Oshawa, Kinmount, Toronto, Hamilton, London, Guelph, Owensound, St. Thomas... that's what you get for being a bitch. I even slept in Oakvile, your older sister. Boy, did she treat me good.
It's what you get for being an asshole to me, you dried up bitch.
I picked up my shit, including my god damn kettle. After all, I was the one who paid for it. Keep the food in the fridge. Just in case you and your ugly ass personality can't share your mother's corner for profit. I can get more food.
I'm sticking around for a bit, but I really don't want to have the awkwardness of looking at you in the eyes.
Yadda yadda yadda, just adding up: fuck you, we're through.
Mau.