Ah, and I keep falling back to this.

I am begining to realise that my problem was loving you so fucking much. And I see you managed to move on and replace whatever I was in your life, while I'm stuck in the same place with the same people. I am grateful for my old friends, and I am glad I got to see them. Ryan and Jay. I love you guys to bits. You guys are some of the best things to ever happen to me.
Yet, the type of company I want most is a bit more than friendship, and I couldn't help but wonder where you lived in Brantford when I was there: who your family was, what you did in your spare time in that city.
It sucks when you realise how easily replaceable you are. I mean, I know I'm not something necessarily special, but I do hope I at least did something good for you. I can't just have been a load in your life, like you said I was.
But everything must come to an end. I would have given anything for you. Anything, without second thought. I did fight my family, the guys, and everybody that opposed to you. Unfortunately, you never seemed to notice.
And now I'm here, unable to think straight again, during Christmas, wishing to god I could find a warmer place than the cold spot that surrounds my chest.
I have to move on and learn to look after myself again. My life was perfect up until I chose to give things up for you. I lost many things because people wronged you, and I didn't mind.
I am not a sad person. I am sad because everything I've believed in simply fell appart.
But again, I have to learn to look after myself again. After all, my own self is the only person that will not stop talking to me for some reason. I hope whatever I did for you was useful and that it meant something good in my life. I hope all of this was worth something.
Look up at the stars and remember me.