I have decided to cut the shit with my ex and just focus on what matters to me, which is myself. A very wise friend of mine brought up the possibility of her doing a psychotic scene in front of anybody that could potentially matter. I shouldn't "touch that [even] with somebody else's dick", so I will just follow what my wise friend has said, and just leave that behind. I can't risk that much with somebody whose presence I don't really enjoy even. Same goes for a specific friend I have that I want to back off from. But that's beside the point.
"If you don't like her, stop sticking your dick in her."The other friend has repeatedly butchered those words, repeating them about the one person that I have potentially treasured the most so far.
"So, this one, do you wanna stick your dick in her, or do you not wanna stick your dick in her"Things aren't always about wanting to stick my dick into a woman. There's other things. There's the fact that she knows so much more, that I would love to get lost in a strange city with her, as long as I can also get lost in her eyes. And I'm daydreaming again.
I am very confused as to the purpose for which that dearly beloved good-dear-old-what's-her-face, somebody that I respect and treasure very much, wants to see me again. I don't want to day dream again, or to check my phone 500 times every hour to see if she has messaged me. It's not right.
However, I do admit that I want to see her. It's been months since I have had my dose of wreck-me-up and paint-me-stars. I will get attached again, and I will treasure every second I have with her again, based on an idea that's just in my head and not hers. I don't want to get to that point again, if she's that addictive to me.
I'm depressive sometimes, when I realise how lonely this world is, how little I have, and how much I treasure that bit I got. I am what's left of what once was steel. I am easy to shape now. I'm not strong anymore. I'm tired of being a rock for others to lean on. I want other people to fight; I'm done fighting. I'm what's left after the rain washes away. I'm a drunken hipster drinking merlot and listen to records while attempting to clean his room and failing at it.
Mau the scarecrow
No comments:
Post a Comment