Oh wow.

I really am not ready for this. I have been a stone for the past eight months, and as soon as I see your name and something along the lines of "it's complicated" made me go back to the anxiety I felt last year. I am scared shitless. I don't think I am ready for that. I don't wanna go back to where I was.
I thought I had become stronger. Maybe I have, just in different ways. But I do know that you are not what I need, but what I should avoid. Your voice can only take me back to worlds of suffering.
I need distance. I need my anger back. It's what's always worked.
Fuck, what am I gonna do in one month...
I am scared. I'm a big muscular dude scared of something he can't control.
Haha, life would be so sweet. I need to stop all of this business. I need to stop the x-factor, the jelly-beans factor, and the Lions problem. I need to find my strength on my own. I just hope I can be strong enough to venture out there and find it.
Fuck, I sound like a wuss. Why am I so freaked out? I don't need this. I don't want this.