Repost from One More Game

Today I've thought definitely too much.
Today's blog isn't so much a work-out related blog. I did go to my class, and yeah, it was core work out. But that's kinda... it.
However, there's other useless things that I've thought that are definitely worth mentioning.
First, I like Mel. I truly do. And it's a pain to me because, once again, I think it's a one way thing. I want to have the balls to be able to stick with her until I see her get better. What I don't know is if that's even gonna happen. I don't wanna get hurt again. So I've wished it upon my 11:11 wish today: for me to like her in a healthy way for both of us. That way I should be able to stick around her and be of some sort of help.
Second, my customers like me. There's people that have gone out of their ways to say merry christmas to me, to give me christmas tips, and to simply put a smile on my face. These guys are amazing. Frank, he's a customer that we spot from afar and say hi to, we bring coffee to his table. Only person we do that for. He walked up to me with a christmas card and a tip in it. I was happy. He's very kind. A lady ordered a fancy drink because she loves how I make it. I love that woman's smile!
Third: my religion fucking sucks.
I believe in God. I believe I'm here for a reason. What that reason is, well... I'm slightly misplaced. But it's alright. I'm working on that. I believe that God had a son, he died for our sins, all that. Holy Spirit, saints, and all that.
A good friend of mine, he's a man of great inner faith. He's strong not only physically but mentally. He comes from a religious group that actually helps people. His sect was the sect actually carved the Holy city of Alamut on rock. They had their version of ninjas protect it. His religious leader, whom is believed to be the direct descendant of the prophet Muhammad, he's a rich man that helps the world (without the press on his ass) out of his own pocket. My friend does tons of volunteer work for his community for no reward, just like their spiritual leader. His community keeps itself going.
Now there's us, Christian Catholics. We killed tons of free-thinking people calling them devil-worshippers. We set technology back by hundreds of years during the dark ages. We destroyed entire cities and cultures trying to set our own beliefs upon them. Child corruptors working under the church, what the hell?
We've done terrible things. There's no pride in saying that I'm a member of a community that has done such things for the world. I believe in God and in the bible. But I don't consider myself a Christian Catholic. I won't find any set of religious belonging because I don't share it.
I lack brains to write a good conclusion. I miss Mel. I really do. But I need to look out more for myself in order to be there for her.
I also need to, kinda, find myself. Find my place in life. I want to belong somewhere. Well, not just belong, but feel like I belong somewhere. Or to somebody. It would be kinda nice. I want to learn to meditate. Two nights ago I found lots of difficulty trying to simply blank my mind out. It sucks.